Good parents come in all shapes, sizes and colors

Single parenting is a subject that hits very close to home because something that many people don't know about me is that I am a single parent. I am not ashamed nor do not feel that it makes me less of a parent or Julianna less of a daughter. Quite the contrary, I feel like, "WOW someone really wanted this child, what a lucky child!" And, honestly, I am the lucky one. Julianna was custom made to fit me, my interest and lifestyle. It's like looking in a mirror and listening to myself 30 years ago. Traditionally, we have been led to believe that children need a two-parent household to be raised properly and I whole-heartedly disagree. What children need are active parents who are good role models. Research shows that in the end all you really need is at least one good parent (or adult model) to make it. In two-parent households, children can get lost in the fa ade that both parents are present but reality is that they are not actively participating or in many cases parenting. My experience is that many times children get lost in the shuff"Oh I thought your mom was doing that" or "ask you father, I am busy now" are commonly heard in two-parent households. Sometimes in a two-parent household there is no connection or communication. What we find is that children often fall through the cracks at home. I think one of the most difficult conversations I have with parents when I inquire about home life in general is when one parent confides in me, "I am only staying for the children." It seems like I have heard that all my life. Immediately, what I imagine is lots of arguing, fighting, avoidance of communication. It all adds up to poor modeling. Parents feel that they are sacrificing for their children when sometimes all they are doing is adding to the problems. And believe me, those problems are just around the corner. It doesn't provide a stable environment and these parents spend less individual time with their children because they are too busy worrying about avoiding the other parent. I think the worst thing I see is using the children to gain power. Before you know it, the parents are in an argument and by default the child ends up losing. This, of course, is an extreme but I wouldn't be able to write about it unless I have seen it or heard it. And believe me I have. I am not saying that being a single parent is better or easier. It is just different and like all things it is whatever you make of it. I am saying that children that come from single parents don't necessary come from the disadvantaged home. The role of single parent can be much harder than that of a two-parent household. It depends on the parent, of course. Something I realize is that Julianna is fortunate to spend quality time with both of her parents. Not all children can say that they spend time equally with both parents. The time I get to share with her is that much more precious to me. Maybe that is why I advocate so much to spend quality time with your children. Since all I know is single parenthood, I feel that it is a blessing for me because I cherish our time together and try not to take it for granted or waste it. Two-parent households take for granted that they have children and rarely divide time equally between their children. For example, Julianna and I have established soma routines that are very predictable. We spend Tuesdays and Thursdays evenings together. The activities we do vary but in the end they include one favorite TV program, a bath, books and a meal. Every Tuesday we cook dinner together and eat at home. Thursdays we go out to eat. On Mondays and Wednesdays she knows her father will come to our house and spend his individual time with her. They read, play games, go to the library and eat together. Since she was three, she knew her days of the weeks based on her schedule, which in the end has provided her with a stable, secure environment. On the weekends that she spends time with her father, I make it a priority to do laundry, clean house and spend time with friends and plan what we will do when she is home the following weekend with me. By doing this I ensure that when she is home I have taken care of the basics and can dedicate my time to her. When she is home we spend quality time with each other, friends and family. I plan short trips, educational excursions and time in our garden. I realize that not all single parents have established routines because they work multiple jobs and are juggling multiple roles. However, just like all things in life anything is possible.