Teen, mother need to break the cycle of emotional abuse

"Randi" is a 16-year-old female. She lives with her mother and mother's boyfriend Dennis, who has lived with them for two years. Dennis "molests" Randi on a regular basis. There is no physical evidence of the abuse. That's because it's an emotional form of molestation. Emotional sexual abuse is rarely discussed or recognized as a damaging form of abuse. It is covert in nature and usually kept secret between the perpetrator and the victim. The victim can't report the abuse because there is usually no physical evidence of an assault. This abuse, however, is real and it is very damaging. Because of the covert nature of emotional molestation, Randi felt she was just imagining the abuse. And, when she would report it to her mother, she would also validate that "it must be your imagination." Dennis' emotional sexual abuse toward Randi has been displayed in the following ways: Voyeurism; Exhibitionism; Inappropriate emotional bonding (Dennis transfers adult emotional issues to Randi); Verbal assaults to her sexuality; and Shaming gender messages received by the way Dennis treats Randi's mother. When Randi reported voyeurism to her mother about a year ago, she felt she was being watched by Dennis while she was in the shower and while dressing. Without physical evidence, however, her mother refused to believe her. Mom became angry at Randi, thinking Randi was making up the story because she didn't like Dennis. Randi felt sick and described fe"yuccy" while being anywhere near Dennis. She also felt unsafe and unprotected by her mother. "Dennis frequently walks around the house in the nude." This exhibitionism is a violation of Randi's space and comfort zone. It is totally inappropriate. Randi remembers a time when her new boyfriend came to pick her up for a date. Dennis' fatherly advice was to "keep your knees together." When Randi's mother is not around, many times Dennis corners Randi for emotional advice and comfort. This puts her in an awkward position, or role that her mother should be playing. This form of abuse leads to enmeshment (smothering) relationships with others. In many cases when Dennis and Randi's mother are arguing, he makes verbally assaultive sexual comments. When Randi witnesses these assaults, she feels hurt and helpless for her mother. Randi also reports feeling guilty for not protecting her mother from Dennis' verbal assaults. What's really going on in this picture? Who's the real culprit? Randi's father is the original culprit here. He abandoned the family years ago, leaving mom responsible to raise Randi on her own. He neglected to protect his daughter. Today, Randi's mother is 100 percent responsible for staying in the relationship with Dennis and exposing her daughter to this sexual predator and refusing to believe her when she reports abuse. Randi's mother stays in the relationship because she feels it's better than the relationship she had with Randi's alcoholic father, in which he was physically abusive. Her intuition tells her "something is wrong with this picture," even though she doesn't believe her daughter. Randi and her mother need to seek professional help to resolve their abuse and abandonment issues. These issues keep mother in this abusive relationship with Dennis. Subconsciously, mother stays with Dennis, ignoring Randi's pain, while fearing abandonment. Without professional help, Randi and her mother are ON THE LEVEL doomed to: Inappropriate emotional bonding with Dennis; An inability to recognize and protect themselves from abuse; and An inability to recognize or develop a healthy relationship. With professional help, Randi and her mother can: Break free of what attracts guys like Dennis; Set appropriate boundaries for themselves; and Find true intimacy with each other and break the cycle of abuse. Members of the Anaheim Branch of the American Association of University Women gathered at the Anaheim United Methodist Church on Saturday for brunch and a general meeting. Acting on the theme "Community Spirit," branch members heard their Adopt-a-Social Worker Diane Wharton provide an update about teens and their children. A representative from Working Wardrobes for a New Start discussed her organization, which provides services to women survivors of domestic abuse and clothing for their working experience. Information about branch interest groups also was displayed. Hygiene kits for women and children at the Women's Transitional Living Center were assembled by branch members and contributions were received for Halycon, the Anaheim Interfoitb Shelter for homeless families. A board meeting, presided by the Rev. Mary Hibbard, branch president, preceded the general meeting. HARP GUILD Harp Guild, a support group of the Pacific Symphony Orchestra, will hold a general meeting and program at the home of president Sara Evans at 10 a.m. Sept. 21. The Harp Guild supports the symphony's education program and "Music Masters," which provides music, lessons and rental instruments for Anaheim elementary school children.